I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
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I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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