i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
