Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
