Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
