3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
