I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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