birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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