just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
