i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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