just tell him i said nine months
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
