he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Never underestimate the power of titties
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
