At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just high enough for therapy.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
