A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
