i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
