I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
