i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize