also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
