she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
