Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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