i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
