We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
