Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
