does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
