I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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