If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
