It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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