It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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