I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
