Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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