Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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