o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
