You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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