just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
