i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
