So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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