I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
