I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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