and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
