I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
