don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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