It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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