Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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