the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
