i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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