When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
