If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
