I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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