My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Randomize
