Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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