get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
