This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
