This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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