if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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