Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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