I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
