Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize