It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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