i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you had me at cake vodka
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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