i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
