my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
