ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
