I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
