you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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