You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
