almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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