Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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