She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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