Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
