FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
