I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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