the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
