drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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