It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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