I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
