If that was your dad, he is hot
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
